Everything Comes Backs To You
by Luka-Stewart
Summary: "And I want to tell you everything, the words I never got to say the first time around...wish I was there with you now" - Songfic inspired by This Town by Niall Horan. Septiplier, angst, and song lyrics. Please be cautious if you're a sensitive soul.


Jack rolled over, groping the opposite side of the bed out of habit as he awoke. When his fingertips met only with sheets, his heart sunk a little. He tucked his arm back into his blankets, trying to suppress his disappointment.

"It's been 2 months, 2 months, why do I still check if he's there?"

He climbed out of the lonely queen sized bed and shuffled down to the kitchen. Popping the lid of the medication bottle off, he dropped two pills into his palm and swallowed them dry.

"Every month that goes by without him, another pill is added to my collection. Pills, pills, pills, that's the only thing I can eat without throwing it back up again."

...

Jack ceased his screaming at the indie game he was playing when he thought he heard his bedroom door open. He flicked his headphones off his head to rest on his neck and looked around behind him, the door was still closed like he had left it over an hour ago. He slipped the headphones off and rested them on the arm of his chair, slowly creeping to the door and slowly opening it. There was nothing beyond the door, but he swore he heard another door opening somewhere else in the house. He tiptoed down the stairs and looked around, he was yet again greeted by nothing at all.

He shook his head, blaming the lack of caffeine for his delusions.

"I'll finish filming this game, then I'll go put the kettle on."

Jack wandered up the stairs and was about to clutch the door handle when-

 _"Sean, you know coffee isn't good for you this late…"_

Jack whipped his head around frantically, looking the source of the voice. But as he had before, he saw there was no one else in his empty house. His knees weakened and he fell to the floor in front of his room.

"Why is he haunting me? Why can't he leave my thoughts?"

...

"So how've you been doing recently Sean?" The kind lady asked, notebook and pen at the ready.

"Please, I've asked you enough times to call me Jack. I don't like people calling me by my real name." Jack sighed, his forehead resting in his palm.

"Because that's what he called you, right?" The lady asked.

"Yes, yes I hate being called Sean because Mark used to call me it when we were dating. Why do you insist to make me say it every time I'm here?" Jack pulled at his hair in exasperation.

"Your delusions have been getting worse, and the subject of him has always been off limits. My running theory is that you are unable to move on without addressing what happened. Until I can bring together a proper reason, I'd like to experiment with talking about him and see if it helps you any. Are you willing to try this, Jack?"

In truth, he was not willing. He was wholeheartedly against the idea of bringing up ancient history. But he was running out of ideas, and he wasn't fond of taking 5 pills every morning.

"Sure. Why not."

"Let's talk about those last few weeks, it's my understanding that you weren't able to see him. If you were able to, what would you have said?" She asked as she jotted down some notes.

"A few weeks wouldn't be long enough to tell him everything that I wanted to. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how much he meant to me, how lost I would become without him, just one last time." Jack could feel a few strands of his head break under his firm grasp, the only reason he refused to let go was because this was the only thing keeping him from tears. "I wish I could have been there with him."

...

"We miss you sweetie, are you sure you want to stay over there...after everything that's happening?"

"Ma, it's okay, I'm doing really well over here. I'm coming back for Christmas, and I'm happy here. I like LA." Jack hated lying to his Mother, but he couldn't have her worrying about him.

"But son...it's the anniversary next-"

"I know Ma. I'm gonna be okay. Look, I need to go, but it was good hearing from you. Love you."

Jack hung up before his Mother could reply to him. He didn't want to hear her beg him to move home, it only made him want to stay in LA more. Even though his only reason for moving across the world was long gone, he felt like he'd be breaking some kind of unmade promise to the only man he'd ever love.

...

Jack sat at his computer and opened up his pity folder. He opening a video and felt his heart break when it started playing. That had been the best night of his life, and all he had to show for it was a discarded suit, a handful of photo's and a ring he refused to wear anymore.

 _Jack buried his face into his love's neck, enjoying the warm embrace he was wrapped in. He could barely hear the music playing in the background, too enthralled in the strong man holding him close. His heart felt like it would surely escape his chest, he was that happy._

 _"Mr Sean Fischbach-McLoughlin. Mr Sean Fischbach-McLoughlin. I love the sound of that."_

 _"Mr Mark Fischbach-McLoughlin has a pretty great ring to it too."_

 _Jack felt a hand gently squeeze his elbow, silently asking him to release his arm from around his husband. Jack did as instructed, the hand slipped down his forearm and to his hand. Their fingers entwined, fingers grazing over the ring wrapped around Jack's finger._

 _"This ring is better." He murmured into Jack's ear._

Jack snapped out of his imaginings by the sound of his computer beeping, indicating him of an email. Jack lifted his head from his hands and saw his palms filled with tears.

...

Jack finished the last of his pint and slid the glass toward the bartender. The man took it, refilled it and set it back in front of Jack.

"Last one mate, you said so yourself when you got here." He said kindly.

"Thank's for keeping an eye mate." Jack muttered.

The bartender leaned on the bar beside Jack. "Come on Jackaboy, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You should move on, find a new guy, let yourself be happy."

"I can't, I can't do that to him. I promised I'd love him, til death do us part."

The bartender sighed and walked away to wash glasses. Jack knew what his response would have been, they had this argument every week when Jack stopped by. He must have finally given up trying to help him. Jack's fingers ghosted over his ring finger.

"Til death do us part, Mark."

...

 _"Y-you want to...what?!"_

 _"Adopt a kid...is it that surprising to you?"_

 _Jack was grateful that his cup was plastic, or else it would have shattered as it hit the ground. Mark looked hurt._

 _"Don't you want to start a family with me?" Mark asked quietly._

 _Jack dropped to his knees and grasped Mark's hands in his own. "Of course I do Mark, I was just startled. I'd love to start a family with you. Do you think we're ready?"_

 _Mark kissed Jack's forehead. "I know we're ready. You'll make a great Dad, Sean."_

 _"No, you'll be Dad. I'm Papa."_

Jack's eyes snapped open suddenly, he rolled over just as the door to his room opened slowly.

"Eddy, why are you awake?" Jack groaned as his young son waddled to his bedside.

"I dreamed about Daddy, now I'm sad." The small boy sniffled, clutching a stuffed bear close to his chest. "Can I sleep in Papa's bed?"

Jack opened his arms to allow Edward to crawl in beside him. He snuggled his small face into Jack's chest.

"Do you dream about Daddy too?"

"Every night Eddy."

"Do you miss Daddy?"

"More than you'll be able to understand. Go to sleep laddie, you've got school tomorrow."

Jack ran his fingers through his son's hair, even though he wasn't related to him, he reminded him of Mark so much that it pained him whenever he looked at the small boy. Jack planted hundreds of small kisses to the top of Edward's head, slowly lulling the boy to sleep.

"Do you think Daddy will be excited to see us, Papa?" Edward asked from his car seat.

"Of course he'll be excited Eddy, he hasn't seen you since you were 3, he'll never believe how big you've grown."

...

Jack slowed the car to a halt, killing the engine and staring at his lap. Edward unclipped himself and leaned over the console.

"Do you need some Papa time?"

"Yeah, you go ahead. You remember where?"

"I could find Daddy with my eyes closed!"

Edward jumped out of the car, leaving Jack to wallow in his own misery. He gripped his hair tightly as he felt strong sobs shake his body. He rested his head on the steering wheel and let his tears fall onto the leather. He knew he couldn't stay in the car for long, or else the groundskeeper would report Edward as a lost child, so he slowly eased himself out of the vehicle and made his way to where Edward sat. He was cross legged, smiling from ear to ear. He heard Jack approach and turned to smile at him.

"I was telling Daddy about my 5th birthday, how I had a jumping castle and a big cake!" Edward proclaimed happily. Jack sunk to his knees and pulled Edward close to him.

"I bet Daddy would have loved to see it laddie." Jack said, running his fingers over the cool granite and tracing Mark's name.

Jack sat on the couch, his eyes glued to his phone as he watched the videos on replay. The one of Mark carving their names into a tree, the day they first applied to adopt Edward, holding Edward a few hours after his birth, their son's first birthday, hundreds of videos of their life together.

As Jack kept flicking through videos until he reached the last photo he took of Mark, laying in bed with machines hooked to every part of his body. His eyes were tired, dull, and without hope, but his lips kept its signature grin.

Jack hated that photo, hated the way Mark looked almost head inside, but he didn't have the heart to delete it. That was the last time he saw the love of his life.

Before the end.

...

 _"What do you mean...cancer?" Mark asked weakly._

 _"I thought...but his Father-"_

 _"Yes, the bone cancer Mr Fischbach suffered from wasn't genetic, but we believe that because of it Mark was naturally more susceptible to it." The doctor cut Jack off._

 _Jack could hardly breathe, he felt like his very soul had been ripped out of him._

 _"Is there nothing we can do?" Mark asked, his voice soft as he clutched Jack's hand._

 _"We got to it too late, I'm sorry Mr Fischbach-McLoughlin, but all we can do it make you comfortable."_

 _Jack couldn't control himself, he stood from his chair and kicked it harshly across the room. Neither the doctor nor Mark made a sound, Jack slowly lowered himself to the ground and let loose a barrage of uncontrollable tears._

 _"We have a child!" Jack yelled at nobody in particular. "We're married, we're happy! Why the fuck is this happening?! What am I gonna do?!"_

 _"Sean!" Mark snapped. "Shut the fuck up!"_

 _Jack looked up at Mark, his eyes were soft and his smile was weak._

 _"Come on Sean, I'm supposed to be the emotional one, you're the collected one. What would Eddy think if he saw his Papa like this?"_

Jack shot out of bed, drenched in sweat and tears. Of all the dreams he had about Mark, that one was his least favourite.

...

 _"How're you feeling today, Mark?"_

 _"Like I'm dying."_

 _"That's not funny."_

 _"I thought it was."_

 _Mark grinned at Jack, but he didn't have the heart to return it. Mark had been typical Mark for months, trying to laugh off his impending doom and trying to make Jack smile. But he couldn't bring himself to smile, not while he had to sit back and watch the love of his life slowly die. Mark couldn't walk on his own anymore, and his breathing had been too weak so they had him hooked up to oxygen all the time. He'd had another heart attack, but doctors were able to resuscitate him._

 _Slowly but surely, his body was giving up on him._

 _"I won't be able to live without you, Mark."_

 _"Yes you will, I know you will, because you have to live for Edward. His actual parents didn't want him, he's losing me, please don't make him suffer through losing three Dads."_

 _"But I have to suffer without you? I can't bear it."_

 _"You can live without me Sean, find a new man to make you happy and become a new Dad to Edward-"_

 _"He doesn't want a new Dad! He wants his Dad! His Daddy!"_

 _"Sean-"_

 _"I don't want anyone else! I want you, Mark! My Mark!"_

 _"I'll always be here Sean. As long as you have Eddy, you'll have me. I'm not really leaving you, I'm just going to a safer place. I won't be in pain anymore, won't that be nice?"_

 _"You shouldn't have to be in pain. You should be living a long life with me."_

 _"I should be, but that's not the big man's plan. Don't worry baby, I'll wait for you. I'll still love you, even if you arrive at the pearly gates all wrinkled and old."_

 _A nurse popped her head into the doorway. "Mr Fischbach-McLoughlin? Visiting hours are just about over."_

 _"You've gotta go Sean."_

 _Jack couldn't take his eyes of Mark, he felt his heart rip in two over and over again._

 _Mark showed his award-winning grin. "Take a photo, it'll last longer."_

 _..._

That was the last time Jack saw Mark. His condition got worse after he left, his immune system began to fail and his heart was growing weaker. They put him on a machine to help keep his heart beating, but there was nothing they could do about his immunity. Jack couldn't see him for two whole weeks, and just as they thought Mark had started getting stronger again to see Jack - he passed peacefully in his sleep.

Jack never moved back to Ireland, never remarried, never dated. Mark was the one for him, and he stuck by it. Edward was 3 years old when Mark passed, so his memories of his Dad were vague and blurry.

Jack could never bear to wear his wedding ring, but had it on his bedside table every night. He kept photo's of Mark everywhere, not only to remind Edward of his Dad, but to keep Mark alive in Jack's heart.


End file.
